Brian's Brain Banana

brianamos @ 2009-07-17T23:00:00

2009-07-18T03:00:56Z

I am alive!

Just letting you all know.

brianamos @ 2009-05-03T19:33:00

2009-05-03T23:37:35Z

The semester's almost over. Thank God, I can't take much more of school.

I'm so burned out, I need a break from school. I need to just work for a while and get some money.

By the way, I moved into a house off campus but I can't find a job to save my life anywhere nearby, so I've had to take a job an hour away working in Megan's dad's restaurant for $8 an hour. The fun part of that is that when you take into account gas, I'd actually be making more working for under minimum wage somewhere in Glassboro, but nowhere in Glassboro will take me.

The internship I'm working at now won't rehire me over the summer because they filled all their internships.

I owe Pat, Laura, and my mom thousands of dollars at this point, and I can't pay them back. I feel like such a deadbeat. I can't deal with it. I just want to find a job, why is that so hard?

brianamos @ 2009-04-11T03:10:00

2009-04-11T07:12:00Z

It is 3:10 am as I write this. I haven't slept more than three consecutive hours in what feels like an eternity, but really is probably about a month now.

I want college to end so badly.

Of Rabid Insomnia and Self-Pity

2009-03-06T06:32:26Z

I can't sleep. I've got to be up for work at 7. It's 1:13 as a type this.

I found out my average in my Spanish class: I'm getting a 45 so far. The midterm is not going to help matters at all. I would drop the class if I could, but I can't anymore. I already dropped Stats, so if I drop Spanish I lose full-time student status and I think I lose my housing then. I'm not sure though, I could be wrong, but I don't want to chance it.

1:14

I tried learning to drive stick today with Megan. It sucked. It's similar to the problem I'm having with Spanish though.

See, I already speak French. Spanish should come fairly easily, but it doesn't. It's intensely frustrating, and like I've said before, having my own inadequacy thrown in my face whenever I walk into that class isn't in any way enjoyable.

I know how to drive. I'm a fairly good driver, and driving is something I like to do. It levels me out, it calms me down, it's something that I love. But trying to drive stick is like being 16 and just getting my permit again. I'm back to square one, and I can't get it. It's frustrating, and watching Megan (and everyone else I know who can - Lauren, Shayna, Casey, Eric, and probably a bunch of others who I don't even know know how) do it without a second thought or any trouble is frustrating.

1:19 now

Whenever something like this comes up, it really makes me miserable because I know the only reason I can't is my own failing. It's not like it's particularly hard, or else so many people wouldn't be able to. So, ruling out that the things I'm trying to do aren't hard, I'm left with the conclusion that I'm incompetent. That's not something that sits well with me, and no matter how much I try to reason it out to myself that it's not because I suck, I can't shake the feeling that the common denominator in all my shortcomings is me.

1:22

I have to work tomorrow at the Salem office, about a 45 minute drive from here. I'm going to have to leave early to beat traffic though, so really about an hour's drive. So I have to leave at 8. I have to get up at 7:30 at the latest to make sure I'm awake and grab a shower. blech.

1:23

Ya know, I'm gonna level with...well, LiveJournal, I suppose. I hate not being good at something. I hate it, it drives me mad, and it's especially bad when other people are good at the things I'm bad at. And you wanna know the real reason? It's because I feel like I'm not actually good at anything.

Really the only thing I'm good at is writing history papers, and that's not terribly applicable to the real world, is it? I've got no outstanding (or even passable) athletic skill, my technical knowledge is limited to making sure my computer runs well enough to get online, and my social skills have always been lacking.

1:26

A note before anyone starts going on about my social skills: I can get by when I'm around people I know. But if you put me in a situation where I need to negotiate or talk to someone I've had no contact with before, I'm dead in the water.

Speaking of social skills, this next point ties in with that fairly well: I know I have a temper. For a while I wore it as a badge of pride, because it was something that was...well, not unique to me, but it was what I'd become. I was the Guy Who Got Angry. It's nice to have some kind of title, even if it's a bad one (I mean, look at T.O. The guy's a total cock and knows it, but he loves it because that's what he is. It's what sets him apart from other people. Well, that and the fact that he's a fantastic player, but seriously fuck that guy). Anyway, my temper's been getting worse. Since around Thanksgiving, it's just been getting steadily worse. I freak out more often and more severely than before, and now I'm getting scared of it. Not like "I'm going to flip out and shoot a cop" scared, but scared that I'm going to be like that for the rest of my life. I don't like being the Angry Guy because I like being angry, I liked it because it set me apart. But now, I dunno.

1:31

On the plus side, I haven't had any soda in over a week now.

I need to sleep, it's not gonna happen, but I need to. So I'm going to go try that now.

Of Shenanigans!

2009-03-04T17:56:35Z

Your result for The General Secretary is tired of your shenanigans!...

Good Comrade!

The General Secretary doesn't suspect you of much.

You're certainly loyal! A clever little lapdog with enough Paranoia to understand how to keep out of trouble. You would most certainly deal bribes to interrogators, drop names of friends in high places, and appear uninterested in anti-government plots.

You certainly don't have any Shenanigans up your sleeve, and you make Brother proud. Keep on grinding those gears in the factory. The Soviet state doesn't power itself you know!

Take The General Secretary is tired of your shenanigans! at HelloQuizzy

Of Spanish

2009-02-23T17:47:08Z

So I'm taking Spanish. Big deal, right? Lots of people take Spanish. Piece of cake.

Not so much. I have learned that I am incapable of retaining any Spanish at all. No matter how much I study and how many times I do the exercises, I can't remember any of it when I have to actually speak or write it. I can read Spanish fairly well. Give me some text and I'll be able to read it and understand it. But I just can't, by any stretch of the imagination, say or write anything meaningful. When I go into class every Monday and Wednesday, just to have my inadequacy thrown in my face, it breaks my spirit. Also, it doesn't help matters that I was stuck going through the first month of the semester without half the materials.

See, I took Spanish I last semester. That teacher, Dr. Madero, told us that he wasn't going to use the workbook or lab workbook that comes in the $207.15 package. Instead, he told us to order the textbook alone online for about $80. Don't worry, he said, about Spanish II because any teacher in their right mind wouldn't use that stuff, and it wouldn't be fair to do so.

Enter Spanish II. I'm told that I need the workbook and lab workbook. Well, where do I get those, says I. The teacher tells me they sell the package in the bookstore. But I already have the textbook, I just need the workbooks. Is there any way to buy those without buying the textbook again? No, no there isn't. Not even from the distributor apparently.

So I spend the first month of the semester without enough money to buy the textbook package for this class. Oh well, I'll survive, I thought. I did well enough last semester.

Not so much, really. This woman does all of her tests, quizzes, and assignments from the workbooks. Everything that is graded work comes out of those workbooks. So I have to wait for the financial aid refund checks to come in. And I wait, and I suffer, and I don't score above a 50 on any assignment until I get that check and go to buy the workbooks. I try to convince the bookstore to let me buy the workbooks alone. They tell me they can't do that. I wave my textbook in their face saying, I have one of these, I just need those! They tell me to buy it and leave, or not buy it and leave, or else they'll call security on me. I say some hurtful things about them and end up paying $207.15 for a textbook I have.

Then I start using the workbooks, only to find out I'm not retaining any Spanish at all. No matter how much I do the homework and even the little exercises in the textbook, none of the Spanish is sticking in my head.

In conclusion, I just managed to spend almost $300 (remember the standalone textbook cost about $80) on a class I won't pass on a language I can't learn. Rad.

Of Schisms!

2009-02-02T17:13:23Z

Episcopalians still a house divided.

Of Taking A Break From Homework

2009-01-28T04:34:01Z

Your result for The LONG Scientific Personality Test...

ENFP - The Champion

Your type is known as the Champion type, which is part of the larger group called idealists. Nothing occurs that does not have some deep and ethical significance in your eyes. You see life as an exciting drama. You are very charismatic, yet tend to be too harsh on yourself for not being as genuine as you think you should be. 3% of the population shares your type.

As a romantic partner, you need to talk about what is going on in your life. You are a strong supporter for your partner's efforts to grow and change and be happy. You need to feel that same support from your partner. Expressive, optimistic, and curious, you are eager to enjoy new experiences with your partner, whom you wish to be your confidant and soul mate, as well as play mate. You are uncomfortable sharing negative emotion, though, and tend to withdraw from confrontation and process your feelings privately. You feel most loved when your partner appreciates your creativity, accepts your uniqueness, and sees you as the compassionate person you are. You need to hear your partner tell you how much you mean to them and would love if they did thoughtful spontaneous things to demonstrate it.

Your group summary: idealists (NF)

Your type summary: ENFP

Take The LONG Scientific Personality Test at HelloQuizzy

Of Spring 2009

2009-01-24T22:05:46Z

It's that magical time of year again. My classes have started up and now it's time for my brief predictions on how they'll go.

Spanish II is going to suck like hell. The woman teaching it is a humorless bat.

Elementary Stats is also going to suck like hell, mostly because I'm terrible with numbers.

Oral French is actually looking to be pretty good, as long as I can figure out how to do the online homework. Other than that, it's going to be fun. Madame Spencer is really cool and I'm fairly certain she'll keep me from failing.

Stalinism looks like it's going to be a lot of fun. The professor's cool and the class is a lot of fun. The only problem is the 20 page final paper...

Historical Jesus with Dr. Scott Morschauser is going to be a lot of fun, I think. I'm hoping to come out of that relatively unscathed.

PROJECTED GPA FOR THE SEMESTER: 3.1

And now, a meme!

1. Put your iPod on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Dictator

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Your Country

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Corner Soul

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
The River

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
I'll Begin Again

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
The Call Up

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Absolute Beginners

WHAT IS 2+2?
Milemarker

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Don't Leave Me

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
We're Not Gonna Take It

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Insight

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Doll

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Night of the Long Knives

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Poor Poor Pitiful Me

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
I Know, Huh?

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Don't Follow Me

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Purple

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Life On Mars?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Boris the Spider

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Royal Oil

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Trapped (Live)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Blown Away

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
What's My Age Again?

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Murmaider

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
The Right Profile

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Poster of a Girl

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Excitable Boy

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Imperial March

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Danger! High Voltage!

brianamos @ 2008-12-31T20:14:00

2009-01-01T01:18:13Z

Brian Kenny's 2008 in Review

January - Oh holy crap Ireland is warm, also I miss my family terribly
February - Ireland's still warm, but these people are awesome
March - I love Ryanair! Also, RAG week is the coolest thing in the world!
April - Rain rain rain rain
May - Ireland is gorgeous and warm. Also, I'm home now
June - Need a job
July - Delivering pizzas? Right up my alley!
August - Delivering pizzas is great. Also, student loans are a pain in the ass
September - Ahh, back to Rowan, this is awesome
October - What the hell, $5000 refund check? Sweet!
November - Happy Birthday to Me!
December - It's cold. Finals suck. However, Christmas is cool.

Of Sleepless Nights

2008-11-28T09:23:22Z

I can't sleep. I think I'm going to pull an all nighter. This doesn't bode well for the rest of my weekend. I'm going to need to pass out again at about 10 am and wake up at 3 to accomplish anything I've set out to do before I head out. Good God, why, why did I drink so much coffee? I knew I'd be working on my paper till late, but not 4:22 in the morning.

Of School

2008-11-28T06:47:26Z

I think school's going to kill me.

It's not that the work is overpowering or anything, it's just that I get far more stressed about it than I should. Normally, I'm fine, level, whatever. My baseline stress is perhaps just slightly higher than the average person. But the minute I have anything even minorly stressful on my plate, my anxiety spikes. I can feel my pulse in the throbbing forehead vein I've just discovered (well, temple vein. But still, it's throbbing rather rapidly). I think I'm going to talk to a school counselor guy about controlling my anxiety, and maybe even talk to him about all the crushing inadequacey I'm plagued by (but probably not. I may not have my sanity or my blood pressure, but I've still got my pride, damnit)

A Brief Word on My Birthday

2008-11-13T16:25:53Z

My birthday has come and gone.

Overall, it was enjoyable, but rather unremarkable

One of Many Post-Election Posts

2008-11-05T06:00:22Z

So Barack Obama will be our new president when he is sworn in in January.

I voted for John McCain.

Strangely, I'm not upset. This election was the opposite of the 2004 election. It wasn't two people who were rather unsuited to the job vying for it. John McCain and Barack Obama are both very qualified, very good men. This wasn't a "lesser of two evils," this was "the greater of two greats." Frankly, for America, this was the best election we could've had, considering the last eight years.

I wish President-elect Obama the best in the next four years, and I congratulate Senator McCain for a worthy effort.

The Curse of Billy Penn...

2008-10-30T15:58:40Z

Has been lifted!

Aside from that, this interview about Philly sports fans is pretty interesting. Keep in mind, it's an Australian broadcasting company interviewing an author.

http://www.abc.net.au/rn/sportsfactor/stories/2008/2215812.htm

How McCain Won (in the future, perhaps, probably not though)

2008-10-28T21:15:07Z

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/us_elections_2008/7693309.stm

Of (Sorta) Windfall

2008-10-09T15:35:25Z

So apparently when I filled out my loan applications for this year, I did the math wrong and came out with a ~$5000 refund for this semester. The prudent, responsible thing to do would be to take a little bit and then send the rest back to the loan company. But then, this is me we're talking about here, so with my newly-acquired-until-I-pay-for-it-in-the-future wealth, I intend to buy a car because I figure that it's harder for a 20 year old to get a car loan than student loans, and I'm not going to get a chance like this until after I graduate. To that end, I've been looking around at used car reviews online and I've come to two choices:

2001 or 2002 Ford Focus (preferably the hatchback model)
vs.
2001 Chevy Cavalier (4-door sedan)

From what I've read and from people who own them, both cars are pretty sturdy, pretty cheap, and pretty good on gas. For example, Jay's Cavalier (2001) cost him about $2500 and has only been in the shop once for anything serious, meanwhile his sister's Focus (2002) has been a dream to own and operate.

So, people of the Internet, I ask you for your input! Focus, Cavalier, or Something Else?

(Also, a side thought: if I had known it was this easy to scam $5000 from the loan companies, I'd have done it years ago)

Of the Plague

2008-10-07T19:26:34Z

The first round of the Rowan Plague has hit, and it kicked me in the nads. My head is all kinds of stuffed up and congested and whatnot. Luckily, it's just a really bad head cold, so no aching joints, hacking up lungs, or vomiting out my insides.

If anyone has any kind of folksy "straight from the Old Country" remedies for the cold, they'd be greatly appreciated

EDIT: The "hacking up lungs" phase has begun. This sucks

Of...Oh God.

2008-09-29T23:26:13Z

The House decided to turn down the $700 billion bailout.

Guys, I know I say this a lot, but for real this time: the world is fucked.

Another Meme!

2008-09-28T19:48:09Z

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 56.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next seven sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.
6. ~~Tag five other people to do the same.~~

"In Utopia, they have a six-hour working day -- three hours in the morning, then lunch -- then a two-hour break -- then three more hours in the afternoon, followed by supper. They go to bed at 8 p.m., and sleep for eight hours. All the rest of the twenty-four they're free to do what they like -- not to waste their time in idleness or self-indulgence, but to make good use of it in some congenial activity. Most people spend these free periods on further education, for there are public lectures first thing every morning. Attendence is quite voluntary, except for those picked out for academic training, but men and women of all classes go crowding in to hear them -- I mean, different people go to different lectures, just as the spirit moves them. However, there's nothing to stop you from spending this extra time on your trade, if you want to. Lots of people do, if they haven't the capacity for intellectual work, and are much admired for such public-spirited behaviour."

Shamelessly Lifted

2008-09-25T05:47:01Z

You are a
Social Liberal
(63% permissive)

and an...
Economic Moderate
(50% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Centrist

Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also : The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

</center>

YES

2008-09-17T19:32:35Z

brianamos @ 2008-09-17T15:02:00

2008-09-17T19:02:51Z

This may be the most beautiful thing I've read in a while:

I done seen an Apatow film down by the creek once, I swear it. Wasn't no normal film either. Dialogue was all mighty clunky and slow paced like, even if it might even be like real life sorta. Now I know the Apatow names gets slung around a whole awful lot 'round here gettin' pinned on this and that -- Anchorman, Talladega Nights, and Step Brothers and the like. Most a the time though they just gettin' all confused like what with them comedies actually bein' Adam McKay or Will Feral comedies or somethin' 'long those lines.

Sent the boy down to go catch a gander at it but he said he dun seen nothin' unusual 'bout it. Said it was like a Tim Burton film or somethin'. I didn't quite reckon what he was sayin' and all, bein' a young boy still what with his somewhat uninteresting-in-retrospect lifestyls o' aimless wanderings of self-discovery at house parties and pot smoking. Ol' Herby done said he seen one too -- least he thought he did -- turns out the dang thing was actually a Goldberg and Rogan comedy type deal. I reckon that a similar type o' species though or somethin' discovery channel like that. Like they's cousins or somethin'.

I swear I saw me an Apatow comedy once, but it's tough to... discern like what the dang thing is what with it being all ambiguous and the sort. But if I had to take a gander I'd reckon Knocked Up and 40-Year-Old Virgin to be the real McCoy. Tough to say for sure though I tell you what.

That's about all about that I reckon.

Good Lord, what's that?

2008-09-15T02:13:03Z

Your result for How geeky are you?...

Cool Extrovert

41% Geeky, 75% Cranial and 33% Introverted!

Hey! You scored 41% Geeky, 75% Cranial and 33% Introverted! Brilliant! I honesty wanted to call this category "the perfect human being" but I thought too many reading recent results of other test takers may take offense.

I do believe this category is most likely the smallest percent of the population. (I mean, if everyone were like this wouldn't the world be a better place?) You, my friend, have balanced intelligence with an incredible personality, and have found a way to avoid geekiness.

You may find the combination of personality and brains can sometimes come off as conceited, and there are instances when you may bump heads with people. Being as people smart as you are, you may find empathizing and listening to others, even if you know they are incorrect in something, can advert even the biggest problem.

I truly hope you enjoyed the test as much as I enjoyed making it! I always welcome email comments/suggestions! Thanks for taking it!

Take How geeky are you? at HelloQuizzy

brianamos @ 2008-09-10T14:05:00

2008-09-10T18:21:48Z

So school has officially started up, and here's how the semester looks so far:

Renaissance and Reformation with Dr. Joy Wiltenburg looks like it'll be interesting in hindsight. The class is two and a half hours long and I have no friends in the class to help me stave off boredom and sleep. Also, the required reading is a pain in the ass as I haven't been able to find a few of the books for it (the pop quiz I had was murderous). I have this weird feeling I'll only really recognize the benefits of this class sometime next year.

US Diplomatic History from 1900 seems like it'll be a good time, though. Chris is in the class with me, and the teacher (Dr. Lee Bruce Kress) is an interesting sort. He expects me to get a research proposal to him by Monday. This may or may not go well for either of us.

Spanish I with Dr. Roberto Madero looks like it'll be somewhere between a cake walk and a breeze. The only problem I foresee is when I start confusing French with Spanish. This already happened once:
ME: Hola, como estas, Dr. Madero.
MADERO: Muy bien, muy bien. Y tu?
ME: Tres bien, Monsieur.
MADERO: ...huh?
ME: J'ai dit, tres bien.
RANDOM CLASSMATE: Spanish, dude. You're in Spanish.

Cultural Anthropology is taught by a strange man called DeWitt. He seems to be an easy grader, and looks like John Hammond from Jurassic Park. I think that's going to keep my interest more than Inuit linguistics.

Macroeconomics is taught by Chalmers, a man who flew in Vietnam and is cynical and sarcastic. He's not teaching for a paycheck, he's teaching for America.